Hello friends! I don't know about wherever you are, but round these parts, I felt a certain chill in the morning air that suggested that, at last, the onset of autumn has begun. Huzzah! I must apologise (gosh, it does seem that I'm apologising at the beginning of most posts - my apologies for the apologies) for you see as I write this I am drinking a new blend of tea that I have only just purchased intended to help you sleep better (I've tended to have trouble sleeping of late). Therefore, if throughout any of the post I start mashing my words together or ranting about the Matrix sequels you'll know why.
However tonight of all nights I probably don't need the tea. As you'll notice if you've been keeping track of these posts, this one should be posted considerably later than average. That's right I'm up past my bed time for this one for reasons that I'm about to explain to you. But first, I'm sure you're all itching to know my results, so without further ado, my AS Marks:
English Lit: C
Drama: B
Chemistry: E
Biology: D
Right Hemisphere: Gasp! Only a C in English?! Looks like you're not quite Stephen Fry when you're put under a time limit and separated from a thesaurus!
Left Hemisphere: I'll have you know that no one I spoke, despite the estimable company I keep, gained above a C in that English Lit exam, the failing of which dragged my A down to a C!
Right Hemisphere: Excuses! You just didn't revise nearly enough!
Left Hemisphere: Oh, please! You're one to talk! Just look at those Chemistry and Biology results!
Sorry, I didn't wish for you to bear witness to the cranial rivalry that occurs inside my head.
Anyway, moving swiftly on, I suppose I should explain why I kept you up so late breathlessly waiting for me to update you with my mental breakdowns. Well, I've just come home from Asda, where I purchased said tea, and before that I was at my dear Grandparents for tea as I am every Thursday.
What, you may be asking, is the purpose behind me providing you with such seemingly unbloggable details? Well, I bore witness to an argument between my grandparents, not an uncommon occurrence. However, what was uncommon was the subject of their argument.
I can't quite remember how the argument started now, something to do with someone turning the thermostat up in the morning when it got too warm. But what the argument evolved into was what precisely was the maximum and minimum temperatures achievable by a thermostat.
Take a step back for a moment.
There, now, imagine any conceivable point in your life where you would argue with someone about what precisely was the maximum and minimum temperatures achievable by a thermostat.
I'm thinking, and unless it was either I was one of two employees in a Moscow orphanage worrying whether the children will be warm enough in the coming winter, I can't think of one. And even then, it would likely be:
Me: "The thermostat goes up to 35 degrees, don't worry Yosef."
Yosef: "It only goes up to 30 degrees Joseph!"
Me: "Do not panic Yosef! I shall go out into the woods and hunt bear, 15 bear. And their fur shall make the blankets for the little ones and we will feast on their meat long into the summer, yes!"
Yosef: "Yes!"
Both: "Это есть наш последний
И решительный бой.
С Интернационалом
Воспрянет род людской!"
But anyway, the argument between my grandparents raged on for a good 20 minutes! I assumed that eventually, they would run out of material - there's only so many times you can say "It goes up to 30 degrees", but no! It went on and on! Minute after uncomfortable minute! I assumed also that in such an argument, the point would arise when one or other party would simply say: "Ok! whatever you say!" but no! Neither letting up an inch, a degree, if you will.
I'm afraid I've got no greater truth to gather from this except its bizarreness. I suppose it's merely a cliché of married life that you must never give any ground, but it's a god-damned thermostat!
On an unrelated note, a quick chair update: The cover is out of the wash and on. Nothing ha ever made me as happy as this chair is... which is kinda sad when you think about it...
Anyway, goodbye and I hope you enjoyed this rather pointless surreal post.
PS I've drunk the tea and it's had no effect effect effect faraway butter finger in in in what the hell... WHY DID YOU BRING BACK AGENT SMITH?!
However tonight of all nights I probably don't need the tea. As you'll notice if you've been keeping track of these posts, this one should be posted considerably later than average. That's right I'm up past my bed time for this one for reasons that I'm about to explain to you. But first, I'm sure you're all itching to know my results, so without further ado, my AS Marks:
English Lit: C
Drama: B
Chemistry: E
Biology: D
Right Hemisphere: Gasp! Only a C in English?! Looks like you're not quite Stephen Fry when you're put under a time limit and separated from a thesaurus!
Left Hemisphere: I'll have you know that no one I spoke, despite the estimable company I keep, gained above a C in that English Lit exam, the failing of which dragged my A down to a C!
Right Hemisphere: Excuses! You just didn't revise nearly enough!
Left Hemisphere: Oh, please! You're one to talk! Just look at those Chemistry and Biology results!
Sorry, I didn't wish for you to bear witness to the cranial rivalry that occurs inside my head.
Anyway, moving swiftly on, I suppose I should explain why I kept you up so late breathlessly waiting for me to update you with my mental breakdowns. Well, I've just come home from Asda, where I purchased said tea, and before that I was at my dear Grandparents for tea as I am every Thursday.
What, you may be asking, is the purpose behind me providing you with such seemingly unbloggable details? Well, I bore witness to an argument between my grandparents, not an uncommon occurrence. However, what was uncommon was the subject of their argument.
I can't quite remember how the argument started now, something to do with someone turning the thermostat up in the morning when it got too warm. But what the argument evolved into was what precisely was the maximum and minimum temperatures achievable by a thermostat.
Take a step back for a moment.
There, now, imagine any conceivable point in your life where you would argue with someone about what precisely was the maximum and minimum temperatures achievable by a thermostat.
I'm thinking, and unless it was either I was one of two employees in a Moscow orphanage worrying whether the children will be warm enough in the coming winter, I can't think of one. And even then, it would likely be:
Me: "The thermostat goes up to 35 degrees, don't worry Yosef."
Yosef: "It only goes up to 30 degrees Joseph!"
Me: "Do not panic Yosef! I shall go out into the woods and hunt bear, 15 bear. And their fur shall make the blankets for the little ones and we will feast on their meat long into the summer, yes!"
Yosef: "Yes!"
Both: "Это есть наш последний
И решительный бой.
С Интернационалом
Воспрянет род людской!"
But anyway, the argument between my grandparents raged on for a good 20 minutes! I assumed that eventually, they would run out of material - there's only so many times you can say "It goes up to 30 degrees", but no! It went on and on! Minute after uncomfortable minute! I assumed also that in such an argument, the point would arise when one or other party would simply say: "Ok! whatever you say!" but no! Neither letting up an inch, a degree, if you will.
I'm afraid I've got no greater truth to gather from this except its bizarreness. I suppose it's merely a cliché of married life that you must never give any ground, but it's a god-damned thermostat!
On an unrelated note, a quick chair update: The cover is out of the wash and on. Nothing ha ever made me as happy as this chair is... which is kinda sad when you think about it...
Anyway, goodbye and I hope you enjoyed this rather pointless surreal post.
PS I've drunk the tea and it's had no effect effect effect faraway butter finger in in in what the hell... WHY DID YOU BRING BACK AGENT SMITH?!
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